Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Doing It!: Let's Talk About Sex by Hannah Witton

SEXTING. VIRGINITY. CONSENT. THE BIG O… Sex-positive vlogger Hannah Witton covers it all.

Nobody really has sex all figured out. So Hannah Witton wrote a book full of honest, hilarious (and sometimes awkward) anecdotes, confessions, and revelations. Hannah talks about doing it safely. Doing it joyfully. Doing it when you’re ready. Not doing it. Basically, doing it the way you want, when you want (if you want).

Doing It works as an introduction to sex as well as a guidebook for those who are already sexually active, with insight on topics such as healthy relationships, porn, contraception, sex shaming, and more. Approachable and empowering, this is a go-to resource for all things s-e-x.


“This highly accessible title offers much for young adults. Empowering, modern, and judgment-free.” —Booklist

“Witton's writing style is not unlike her YouTube persona—simple, candid, accessible, and inclusive...readers will appreciate Witton's frank, nothing-is-off-limits approach.” —Kirkus




I’m starting with this because if there’s anything I want you to take away from this book it’s that you deserve and are entitled to healthy relationships. Whether that’s with your romantic or sexual partners, your friends, your family, your colleagues, your peers, or, most importantly, yourself. A healthy relationship is the foundation for any kind of strong, successful bond between people. Whether you’ve known someone five years or five minutes, it’s important—­crucial even—­that everyone is happy and everyone knows what’s up.

Some crucial components of a healthy relationship…


A relationship without trust is toxic. You need to trust your partner and your partner needs to trust you. Relationships can feel scary because you are essentially giving someone else your (metaphorical) heart and trusting they won’t mistreat it. If you don’t trust your partner, you need to ask yourself why and then talk to them about it. Jealousy and paranoia are the enemies of any healthy relationship. If the trust is there, you won’t feel anxious, jealous, and on edge all the time. OK, sometimes at the beginning of a relationship, you feel those emotions along with excitement, which is fine because you’re at the “will we/won’t we?” stage. But once you’re further down the line and you’re in a secure relationship, it should be just that—­secure. Being in a trusting relationship means telling each other the truth and believing each other, keeping promises, having confidence in the other person, and feeling safe with them physically and emotionally. It also means not worrying what your partner is up to when you’re not around and staying away from their phone and personal messages. Spying on someone is just not cool. Don’t expect to trust someone fully right away either. Trust is something that you build together in a relationship, and it’s something you have to earn.

Respect (just a little bit, just a little bit)

Aretha Franklin knows exactly what’s up. I’m not going to lie, respect is one of those words that I use a lot, but I’ve never really thought much about what it actually means. So here’s the dictionary definition: “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.” I like to think of it as recognizing how badass your partner is. I’ve never bought into the idea of “finding your other half.” Everyone is whole on their own, and being in a relationship makes a team, not a single unit. Respecting your partner means recognizing and valuing their independence. Respect their beliefs, their values, their life goals, their job, their hobbies, their friends and family. In a relationship, it’s not enough to just have respect for the other person; you need to show it too. Whether that’s giving them space to do their own thing, or actively supporting them in their career, or not trying to change them, you’ve got to show them a little R-­E-­S-­P-­E-­C-­T!


This is my favorite one. Can you have favorites when all of them are vital? I’m not sure, but I do know that I love talking and I love sharing. I’m working on the listening part, I promise. Communication might also be the hardest one because it’s about opening up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and giving someone the power to destroy you. OK, maybe destroy isn’t the best word, but opening up can be scary, especially if it’s the first time you’re bringing up a subject. However, if you already have the trust and respect, then communicating will be much easier and maybe even cathartic. Talk about what you need out of the relationship, what you want, what you expect, what you can give. Talk about boundaries and rules. Talk about jealousy. (I think a small amount of jealousy is fine as long as you acknowledge it and tell the other person, “Hey, that made me feel a bit jealous.”) You know when you have that nagging thought in your head, something that is bothering you about a relationship, and just thinking about it frustrates you, doesn’t fix anything, and maybe even makes it worse? That’s when you need to take some deep breaths and talk about how you’re feeling. Easier said than done, I know, but I’ve never regretted telling someone what’s on my mind.

And for those brief encounters, trust, respect, and communication are equally important. Communicate your intentions and what you want to get out of it, and respect the other person’s boundaries. Casual experiences should also be healthy, and you shouldn’t demand any less or accept bad treatment just because you’re not in a relationship. Every person is unique, so every relationship will be different in the type of communication you have, the level of trust, the amount of respect, your boundaries, your promises, and your rules. Having healthy relationships means making sure everyone is on the same page and happy.

Everyone wants to be in a power couple, right? Nope, just me? I want to be in a power couple, and I want to be the best couple, the one that everyone thinks is “relationship goals.” So I probably have unhealthy expectations for my relationships. But my superiority complex aside, to be a power couple, or just an amazing normal couple, you need a healthy relationship. You are not going to be able to achieve world domination…I mean happiness and stability in your relationship if you don’t have trust, respect, and good communication between you.

You can purchase Doing It!: Let's Talk About Sex at the following Retailers:

Photo Content Hannah Witton

Hannah Witton is a sex-positive vlogger, and winner of Best Sex and Relationships Influencer at the 2016 Cosmo Influencer Awards. This is her first book.



Post a Comment