Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Treva Brandon Scharf Interview - Done Being Single

Photo Content from Treva Brandon Scharf 

Treva Brandon Scharf is a late bloomer, born and raised in Beverly Hills by two Hollywood talent agents. She is the product of divorce, an admitted commitment-phobe, serial dater, marriage first-timer at 51, and badass with a heart of gold.

A former advertising copywriter, Treva is an ICF-certified life coach, dating and relationship coach, and long-time fitness professional. When Treva isn't dispensing tough love dating advice, she's a Special Olympics coach and mentor to at-risk kids. She is passionate about politics, policy, and people of all ages and abilities.

Treva co-hosts the podcast Done Being Single with her husband Robby Scharf, a fellow late bloomer. Together, they deliver dating intervention and relationship advice to listeners all over the world.


Can you tell us when you started DONE BEING SINGLE, how that came about?
I had been writing a blog called “The Late Blooming Bride,” and contributing dating advice to other publications for a few years when I decided it was time to put it all in a book—but not just a compilation or retelling of previously published content; I wanted to write new material that was inspired by my blogs, but with more context, depth, and confessions.

Greatest thing you learned at school.
The greatest thing I learned at school wasn’t academic, it was athletic. I ran track, and the lessons it taught me have stayed with me all my life. I developed discipline, grit, mental toughness, and stamina—everything you need to write a book!

When/how did you realize you had a creative dream or calling to fulfill?
I don’t consider my writing a creative dream as much as I see it as a higher calling to help and inspire people. As a self-help memoirist, my job is to be a storyteller and a guide. I dish the dirt like a best friend, give advice like a Dear Abby, and impart wisdom like a female Yoda. If I can educate AND entertain you at the same time, then I’ve fulfilled my dream.

What was the single worst distraction that kept you from writing this book?
The worst distraction was my fear of being vulnerable and too honest—it still messes with my mind. I’d recall a memory or tell a less-than-flattering story, then put it on paper, only to delete it because I got cold feet. I talked about past boyfriends, dates, sex, insecurities, my parents, menopause, and prayed it wasn’t too much. Memoir writing is scary AF, and I would be lying if I told you I wrote with abandon. There was this fine line between letting it rip and holding back to protect myself. It was very conflicting at times. But as they say, “The truth shall set you free.”

Has reading a book ever changed your life? Which one and why, if yes?
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo book series didn’t change my life, as much as healed it after a very bad breakup. I went to Hawaii by myself (and my Kindle) to try to recover and decompress. While there, I started reading the first book, but it was so good and engaging--and I was in such pain and agony--that I ended up sitting under an umbrella reading the entire 3-book series in a week. It completely took my mind off from my misery. I’ll forever be grateful to author Stieg Larsson for helping to heal my heart!

Your Favorite Quotes/Scenes from DONE BEING SINGLE
“As I can attest, life doesn’t come with a grand plan, but if you’ve got one, follow it. You don’t need a vision of your future, but if you see it, keep it in your mind’s eye. You don’t need a road map, but if you have life GPS, use it. The only thing you need is to be proactive. So start now. Go now. Launch now. Reinvent now. Bloom now. Envision the person you want to be and go be it.”

  • 1. I wrote a lot of the book in the evenings with a glass of wine.
  • 2. The scariest moment of the writing process was giving my first draft to my husband to read, full well knowing he didn’t know half the stuff I did when I was single.
  • 3. Writing DONE BEING SINGLE has made me an evangelist for memoir writing. I recommend it to my friends who are nuts because it’s so therapeutic and cathartic.
  • 4. Everything in the book is true, and some of the more cringeworthy moments were more cringeworthy than you think.
  • 5. My first draft was finished in November 2019, but right after, both parents got sick and died, then the pandemic hit, so I went back in and added two more chapters about my experience. There was more to the story that I had to tell.
  • 6. I changed the names and professions of past boyfriends in the book, but they’ll know who they are.
  • 7. True confession: As much as I talk about not relying on external validation in dating, I rely on external validation as a writer and I shouldn’t!
  • 8. First-time author fun fact: You always wonder whether editors are being complimentary because you’re paying them.
  • 9. DONE BEING SINGLE Part II is already being written in my mind.
Meet the Characters
I am the main character! Read the book to get the background story!

Your Journey to Publication
I started on my book in earnest about 3+ years ago. I already had a lot of content from my blogs, so I used them as a road map; I filled in the blanks, added more backstory and gory details. I hired two editors to get it into decent shape, then approached my friend Kathi Sharpe (she’s a publicist and author herself) for further direction. She put me in touch with her editor, who gave me the names of some self-publishing companies that she had worked with. After interviewing three companies who all had interest in my book, I went with Greenleaf Book Group. They were very professional, had a good reputation, and wasn’t specifically a “chick lit” book publisher. That was important to me.

My friends and family were very proud of me. People in general seem to be very impressed that I wrote a book. Me, not so much. It’s an extension of what I was already doing (blogging) so it’s not as big of a deal to me as it is to everyone else. But I love that it’s a big deal to people!

Writing Behind the Scenes
Part of the fun of writing the book was learning from so many smart people as I went along. I did a lot of research, read a lot of inspiring dating & personal growth content, and used a lot it to round out my observations and opinions. The added quotes gave my story more weight, and enlightened me as a coach at the same time.

Best date you've ever had?
The first date with the guy who would become my husband.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
I think of my to-do list (includes exercise, errands, coaching clients, or writing) and try not to get overwhelmed!

Which incident in your life that totally changed the way you think today?
I got into a near-death car accident in 2001 and learned the meaning of gratitude and appreciation for the little things in an instant.

What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?
How lucky I am to have my husband as my husband.

When you looked in the mirror first thing this morning, what was the first thing you thought?
Damn, you’re old.

If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be?
I’d be more intentional with my life; more directed and committed, less improvisational.

What is one unique thing are you afraid of?
That’s easy. Being out of control.

What is your greatest adventure?
Getting married for the first time at 51 and writing a book about it.

What is the first job you have had?
In 1983, I worked the floor at an original Nautilus gym when I was in college at UC Santa Barbara. This was before you had to pay for a trainer. I walked around and assisted members.

The Tell-All that Helps All: You’re Never too Old, and It’s Never Too Late

​Treva Brandon Scharf paid her dues in the dating world. She survived countless romances, relationships, boyfriends, breakups, heartaches, and heartbreaks. She loved and lost, dumped and got dumped, and finally became a first-time bride at the age of 51. Scharf, a gifted blogger and writer, is ready to share all the juicy details of her long road to the altar.

Her debut book is part self-help/dating advice, part-memoir, and 100% delightful. If you can stop laughing long enough, you’ll realize you’ve just met a one-of-a-kind force of nature who has managed to acquire an invaluable store of knowledge on life, love, and personal growth. Done Being Single: A Late Bloomer’s Guide to Love is a universal source of inspiration and practical advice.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a late bloomer or early blossomer; male or female; single or partnered; millennial or midlifer. It doesn’t matter if you’re divorced, widowed, new on the market, stuck in dating hell, dreaming of getting married, or just dreaming of getting laid, there’s something for everyone.

If you’re freaking out in your 20s, hyperventilating in your 30s, living a life of not-so-quiet desperation in your 40s (like Treva was), or needing a jump start in your 50s and beyond, she's got you covered.

As a late bloomer, here’s what she's discovered: You don’t need to have it all figured out by a certain age. There’s no date to be married by or deadline for achievement. Just because you don’t hit your benchmarks in a timely fashion—or hit them at all—doesn’t make you a failure; it just makes you you. Even if you’re not technically a late bloomer, there’s always time to become who you really are or want to be. But the truth is, everyone is a late bloomer in some way. We’re all works in progress, and the learning, growing, and evolving never stops. Remember—your timeline is yours and yours alone, and you’ll bloom when you’re ready. The amazing thing is that once you do start blooming and see your talent, creativity, power, and potential begin to blossom, you’ll realize you had it in you the whole time.

Some other things she discovered as a late bloomer are: Life doesn’t come with a grand plan, but if you’ve got one, follow it. You don’t need a vision of your future, but if you see it, keep it in your mind’s eye. You don’t need a road map, but if you have life GPS, use it. The only thing you need to do is be proactive. So start now. Go now. Launch now. Reinvent now. Bloom now. Envision the person you want to be and go be it.

You can purchase Done Being Single at the following Retailers:

And now, The Giveaways.
Thank you TREVA BRANDON SCHARF for making this giveaway possible.
1 Winner will receive a Copy of Done Being Single by Treva Brandon Scharf.


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